How many times do you start out intending to help someone and realise you benefit the most?
How many times has helping to meet a need given you the faith to believe someone else can meet yours too?
Have you ever wondered if the primary reason for having is giving?
These are questions that randomly come to mind every now and then and of a truth, I can say they result in the same kind of answer… !
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Last month I shared with you my recommendation for developing a SUCCESS Mind-set, using the acronym GRACE. Just to reiterate, GRACE means Gratitude, Resourcing yourself through Reading, Affirmations, Community engagement and Empowering others. Next month, I will share my experience on E, but this month, I have chosen to focus on ‘C’ – Community.
Legendary motivational speaker Jim Rohn said “you are the average of the 5 people you spend time with”. This is both true of personal relationships as it is true of communities we find ourselves in. Think about it, if you grow up in a generous community, you will assume generosity to be a way of life and you will most likely also be a generous person. Sadly the reverse is also true, if you grow up in a poverty-stricken community, you will assume this to be the norm and also adapt it as a way of life. Yes there are exceptions to the rule where the community serves as a catalyst for completely bucking the trend but most times, this is largely due to that individual translating getting exposure from an external source.
If we agree that you generally rise to the expectations of your society, it is plausible that we should engage in communities that could elevate our status and help us to become better versions of ourselves. Again I have seen this in action when children are moved from destructive homes to nurturing ones. They buck the trend and grow up to be successful and responsible adults.
I remember considering this in more detail at the beginning of the year. I made the decision to plant myself in communities that served my goals and edge me closer to my dreams. I close my eyes and I see a Doyin who impacts her world and communicates her ideas using public speaking as a vehicle. Guess what community I chose to become a part of? TED of course. As quickly as the thought came to mind, I registered myself for, and attended the June 2017 London TEDx event. I had so much fun just watching others live the dream that I have in my mind. I did it all – had a laugh singing in the ‘make-belief shower’ with fellow attendees, networked a lot and even wore the iconic red & black…. If I’m truthful, apart from being greatly inspired, I haven’t moved any closer to benefiting from that community.
This brings me to another point – while joining a growing community is essential, it’s your participation in it that allows you benefit. Just imagine if I had taken a different route of being involved in planning the TEDx event, I would have benefited from knowing the inner workings of the organisation and maybe even met someone that could coach me towards my dream. It’s the same with church; I have been fortunate to be a part of a fantastic church for the past 15 years. In this time I have seen people miss out on all the benefits this community offers because they simply attended and never totally plugged in through serving.
In conclusion I will say, you can change the direction you are headed by plugging into the right community. However, to maximise the benefits of being impacted by this community, you need to engage in it. Didn’t just attend it, SERVE it.
My challenge to you this month therefore, is to take time out to dream again. Then, write out what communities will power you on your way to your dream. Write them out, and sign up to become a part of them TODAY. Have a blessed month!
I love the word GRACE. It is mostly used to connote ‘unmediated favour’; something you have, which should not otherwise have been so. It also implies the added strength that you have in achieving a task or a goal. In order words, it is an ENABLING STRENGTH.
Earlier this year, around about May, I started looking at GRACE in a slightly different way. I was preparing a workshop on building successful mindsets and GRACE stood out to me as a means to making that happen.
You are on the right path if you have figured out that GRACE is an acronymn that encapsulates 5 disciplines to develop.
G – Gratitide: To enable your mind produce its optimum, you have to train it daily to find the positive ‘silver linings’ of life. I practice the discipline of finding something I’m grateful for in the previous day and then writing it out in a journal daily. This has fostered a sense of optimism in me, which gives me strength for every day.
R – Reading: Those who know me may have guessed this already. Few things broaden your mind as much as a good book does. A book contains so many hidden treasures and reading the right one is sure to equip you with tools to navigate every day.
A – Affirmation: Another of my favourite words. Let’s face it, if you do not search out good qualities you have or want to have and say it to yourself until you believe it, no one will. In my book 90 Days of GRACE, I detail a step-by-step approach to developing an affirmation that works. Grab a copy and work on yours today.
C – Community: You’ve probably heard it said that you are the average of the sum total of the 5 people you hang around the most. Adding to this, I would also say you are the sum total of the communities you engage with. Engaging in a thriving, development-focused community will result in you thriving and developing too.
E – Empower: As long as we stay buried in our shortcomings, we will be seen as victims. Step out of this attitude, lift someone else instead and you will find how to turn your weaknesses to strengths. In my opinion, people who are devoted to giving of themselves to others rarely lack assistance themselves.
So there it is, my interpretation of GRACE. 90 Days of GRACE, however, is my challenge to you to actively practise these 5 traits daily for 90 days and watch your life take a turn for the better. My new book – 90 Days of GRACE is a practical tool to use, so grab your copy and be on track to end 2017 STRONG and develop a positive success Mindset!
Good education, exemplary work ethics, likeability: just some of the characteristics we embrace as they help us to get good jobs, do well in business or whatever it is that we are engaged in. Most of us stay in this lane, finding how to get the next best job and live a very comfortable life. I guess there’s an inate desire in us all the #LiveWell. I am no exception and love the good things in life – holidays, clothes, lovely surrounding etc.
However, as I got older though, the desire to live a good life was no longer sufficient. I found myself asking questions like – ‘why am I alive?’, ‘do I have a specific assignment earmarked for me?’, ‘what’s my purpose?’. I know these questions are not unique to me. A lot of my friends attest to asking themselves similar questions. This desire to live for more and fulfil our life assignment is what I refer to as #LiveFull.
Two desires ticked off – enjoying the good things of life and feeling in touch with my life assignment – #LiveWell #LiveFull but still there’s a restlessness. I find myself asking how what I do today will translate to the next generation. I strongly believe our assignment MUST outlive us. In fact as discussed in previous videos, we need to pass on the baton. The next generation has a unique strength of building upon the good of today. Again, many of us refer to this mindset as one that lives a legacy. I call this #LiveOut. Living out means equipping the next generation so that the best of me today can be bettered tomorrow.
My way of living the #LiveWell #LiveFull #LiveOut philosophy was to write a book, which was published in February 2017. The title of the book- ‘A letter to my Daughters’ captures the desire in my heart. The next generation of young girls taking hold of all that I know and building on it to be all they dream of becoming in the future.
This September, I will be taking on another project, giving 1000 copies of the book to young girls in my home country Nigeria. I invite you to attend on Sunday 3rd September at 4pm. Please register at https://ALTMD.eventbrite.co.uk. I pray it will provide the opportunity for you to #LiveWell #LiveFull #LiveOut
I love the definition of growth that refers to it as a positive change in size. In other words, when an item or a person grows, it is seen as a sign that the person is moving in a positive direction. Growth is always expected, growth is always celebrated and growth is a tangible representation of achievement or success. Today I would love to share with you how I grow…
I feel blessed to have the most amazing friends.
When I have felt unable to pursue my goals, they cheered me on; when I have strayed and become distracted, they aligned me and put me back on the right path. I love that the relationship I have built with my friends have allowed them to be firm, yet loving and this has given me the right environment to thrive. Sadly, this is not the experience of many I know. In fact it seems a lot of us have had our fingers burnt by so-called friends and have become sceptical of building friendship – please don’t.
There is strength in great friendships and when I was asked to be part of a panel to discuss friendship a few months back, I realised just how important the subject is and the importance of having great friends.
One key thing stood out as I pondered this topic a lot more is that by being a great friend, you can begin to inspire people to be great friends to you too. Imagine seeing a reflection of yourself in a mirror and judge yourself as a friend. What do you see in yourself? What are you reflecting? Have you been a great friend to those in your world? Can you inspire your friends to be better by the choices you make? It is true that people mirror back to us what they see and the way to help your friends become better is to choose to become better yourself.
I wrote this acronym to suggest ideas on how to be a great friend and I hope as you read, you hear my heart, act differently with those you know and become a better friend. Enjoy!
Have you been a good friend? Could you be a better friend? Why not make today the day you begin to strengthen the friendships you’ve got and benefit from lifelong impact
Click here to register now for June’s workshop. Our guest speakers are all set and so am I to ensure you have a truly awesome and life changing experience.
I must be a sprinter in my mind because the analogies and life lessons I draw from races must mean I LOVE them!
Meditating on a bible verse, Hebrews 12:1, to be exact and straightaway I began to imagine a sprinter trying to get off the blocks. What I saw in my mind’s eye was the ankle strapped with a thick elastic band that gave the false impression of launching out without actually launching out. The resistance from the elastic band meant progress was not made, in spite of ability…
Do you sometimes feel this is the story of your life?
Do you feel that despite putting in your best effort, you just don’t seem to be making a headway?
Well going back to my analogy, as long as you remain in the same place, you will have the illusion of moving without actually making progress. The solution is to turn around and severe the obstruction, not continue with it.
This June, our MAP workshop is focused on MINDSETS! The dictionary defines Mind-set as an attitude, disposition, inclination or intention. Mind-sets colour how you perceive life and will either catapult you to success or withhold success from you.
I will give you an example from my life, in February, I had completed the interior for my new book ‘A letter to my daughters’ and all that was left was the cover design. Sadly, due to prior commitments, this cover could not be designed for another 3 weeks. I was downbeat and felt ‘here we go again, another goal that won’t happen because…’ Luckily I was able to STOP myself and search within. I asked what other projects were lurking and which ones could I produce solely by my efforts. In that week, my 2nd book ‘Let’s Read’ was born. The difference was I didn’t allow a seeming setback stop me, rather, I used the lessons I had learnt through the process to propel me to success in a new project. I designed and published book 2 in 8 days, because of the skills I had learnt while working on book 1. My mind-set change is why I now have 2 books on Amazon instead of 1.
For some others, it could be a negative mind-set on health, finances, relationships… It really doesn’t matter. What matters is how you process these thoughts and the actions you take from your thoughts processing.
Click here to register now for June’s workshop. Our guest speakers are all set and so am I to ensure you have a truly awesome and life changing experience.
In the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens, the American female relay team, which included Marion Jones was tipped to win the 4 x 100m relay. The team was packed full of individual talent who understood together, would make a formidable quartet and seal the deal – they were disqualified!
In the 2016 Olympic games in Athens, the American male relay team were also tipped to win a medal – probably not gold, considering they had the Jamaican team to contend with, but at least win a medal, especially with seasoned sprinters like Justin Gatlin a part of the team – they were disqualified! It was the 9th time they had been disqualified in 21 years
So what actually happened? History has it that the disqualification was based on technicalities. In 2004, when Marion Jones, who ran a brilliant 2nd leg passed the baton on to Lauryn Williams, the handoff was not completed in the 20-yard exchange zone. For the men in 2016, it was a similar failing. Mike Rodgers in passing to Justin Gatlin flouted Rule 170.7 because the baton was passed outside the takeover zone.
I don’t run (I wish I did) but I am fascinated by races because they draw several parallels to our everyday life and teach us how to complete our course well.
Sometime in August last year, I began to question myself. Many talk about me being a strong individual and about my daughters also being individually strong but I wondered if I was passing the baton on to them, at the right time and in the right way. This birth my new book ‘A letter to my daughters’ – it contains all I want to say to my daughters and all I want them to know from my life so that they can supersede the successes I have enjoyed and build on what I have started. Atimes it was scary to be so open and to bare it all on paper, but then I remembered that it’s not about individual brilliance but about working together to WIN.
5 thoughts flood my mind as I think of the baton to pass on:
As we countdown to Mother’s Day in a few days, 26th March to be exact, I encourage you to purchase my book ‘A Letter to my daughters’ on Amazon and when your daughter hands you that mother’s day card or gift, in return give her a copy of my book, schedule time to read it together and you will be passing on the baton at the right time. When I wrote it I had teens and twenties in mind, but from the reviews, I hear it is for every woman of every age so please do check it out
There are many definitions of love, but all pointing to one thing – sacrificial giving, without expecting anything in return.
It’s February and many will use the word ‘Love’ to refer to the relationship between man and woman. On the 14th, florists shop will be out of business because we want to express that love in giving. Today I will take a leaf from that concept – many who love will demonstrate it by giving sacrificially, regardless of their current economic situation. I have emphasised ‘sacrificially’ because the best gifts are not the ones given out of the residue of abundance.
More than showing love to our significant others, perhaps worth considering is how sacrificial giving can benefit us and transform us from our current state. Permit me to highlight 2 stories that touched me in 2016 – the story of James Boden and Morrie Boogart. Morrie is 91 years old and lives in a hospice in Grandville, Michigan. Even though he is terminally ill, Morrie finds strength and purpose in knitting hats for the homeless. To say Morries work is inspirational is putting it lightly. He has chosen not to focus on his shortcomings but to lend a hand to someone around him who needs help too.
And this takes me to my 2nd highlight of 2016 – James Bowen. James was living rough, a recovering drug addict and homeless man who was given temporary accommodation. It was here he met Bob a cat, who needed care. Again, rather than focus on his own ‘helplessness’, he cared for the cat. The cat brought him good fortune, which has today resulted to a book and a film being written about the pair.
You see, love is not just an emotion expressed to those we know, it is a choice made to enrich and improve others, albeit sacrificial on our part.
As we celebrate this month of love, I encourage you to look afar, ignore the pain in your life, find a need and meet it. I guarantee that as you do, your own needs will be met too and your situation will change for the better.
Till next time, I charge you to #MakeADifference
As with the tradition on this side of the world, 2017 was ushered in with lots of fireworks. I’m still undecided as to whether I like fireworks or not but the fireworks have given me a theme for today. The more I think of fireworks, the more I think of the spark that ignites them… Like those loud, attention grabbing and beautiful displays, permit me to ignite a spark in you for 2017. With a spark, you are sure to grab attention and become a beautiful display too. Grab your pen and let me explain what it means to SPARK…
I am cheering you on to a SPARK-filled 2017. Make it the best year yet!